Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Should I? Or Should I Not???

I thought that this was going great. I thought " wow this guy is actually goin to treat me the way a man is suppose to treat a woman" He is great with leena. But why is it that i keep getting lied to about the most stupid things. I hate being lied to. Its never ending. My previous relationship was all about lies and deceitfulness. Sure the first couple of lies i blew them off and i told him how i felt about liars and how ill give him another chance but the next time im gone. I told him im not goin to be in another relationship that is based on lies. But, why is it when he lies again i still want to be with him? I want to keep my word. I dont know if its cause im lonely and i like being treated good and lieing is one of his faults that i can just ignore? I dont want to ignore it but it feels so good to be treated like a lady and to be accepted by his amazing family that dont prejudge. It hurts cause i care for him and Im inlove with his daughters and i know that isleena is inlove with him. But i really dont know how to over come the lieing or even if i should try. Should i try to solve his lieing problem? Should i ignore them? I know that im crazy jealous at times but who can blame me because of what ive been through. Besides its my crazy jealousy that keeps catching him in lies. I need help im lost. Should i or should i not?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Its harder than you think

Having a baby is tough. Always constantly worrying bout her well being.
She was breathing funny the other night and i mad a dr.s apt for her
and they made me take her to the ER.
She ended up getting admitted because of the virus the whooping cough.
Shes home now but on antibiotics.
I cant sleep, im always worrying about her stopping breathing in her sleep.
Shes so congested. ugh. I jst want to cry.
Shes been so fussy/restless.
Its hard being a single parent at the moment.
i feel so alone and lost.
I gess the only up-side of this month i get to get into my own place on the 3rd.

God please help me and give me strength to be the best mommy i can be
to make the right decisions in the best interest of my daughter. Please help me
be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
love always your loving daughter

Thursday, July 22, 2010

wow i didnt think that this wuld happen The birth of Isleena Rose LunsFord

So where do i start? I gess from the begging..
so im a teen mom, wen i found out i was pregnant i was terrified on saint pattys day i found out i was having a little girl. My pregnancy was hard, i keept having horrible head aches, blurry vision and nausea and it felt like i was goin into labor all the time, in and out of the hospital with horrible contractions. The kept sending me home sayin im dehydrated. I woke up one morning all swollen mind u i was a 90 pound girl b4 i was preg i got up to 148 because of all my water weight, i went to see my dr n he sent me to Labor and Delivery. Thats where the nightmare began. they said i had preclamcia or well known as toxemia. It got so bad i had deadly high blood pressure i hd to b put on mag just to keep me from having seizures. I was there for 4 days in misery till finally my dr gave me a choice, either get induced or have a C-Section, i chose inducing. i was in labor for over 15 hours before my blood pressure was 200 over 105, i was at risk of dieing so i had to go into emergency surgery. I was so scared, i was only 7 months along, wondering wats goin to happen to my baby because shes early, wondering is she goin to be ok? I had my beautiful 3 lbs 12 oz 17 in long daughter at 11:41 on jun 13 2010. But, thats not where it ends, i got to see her briefly after she was born, then she went strait up to the NICU. I was in the hospital for 3 more days, my dr n i fighting the nurses to let me see my baby because my blood pressure was still very high they wuldnt let me go wen my dr wasnt around. After a numerous amount of blood pressure med changes they sent me home, without my baby because she was so little and she had jondus she had to stay in the NICU she didnt have all the problems they anticipated she wuld have. She was off oxygen in less than a day. She had to have a feeding tube because she hadn't quite accepted the concept of suck, swallow, breath. I was up and down from the hospital 5 or 6 times a day to visit my beautiful angel that i forgot to pump for 6 hours at a time. I finally ended up getting sick with mastitis witch is a condition that women get if they dont pump every 2 to 3 hours. It got so bad that i had a fever of 105, vomiting, not being able to wake up and wen i was awake i was in so much agonizing pain i just wanted to sleep. I went to the hospital and they admitted me AGAIN, this time before they found out i had mastitis they did all sorts of horrible testing such as a spinal tap. NO FUN! Every day i was there i had to begg the nurses to let me se my baby but the anwser was always no because i had a fever of 105. Wen i finally had enuf i just decided wen i had a slight fever of 99 i asked to be discharged before it went back up again. So again i went home and again without my baby. I went thru a horrible depression only wanting to be up at the hospital with her and wen i wasnt with her i was home sleeping nothing more. On July 2nd the night nurse told me that it was a very high possibility that my baby was coming home on the 4th, needless to say i was excited. The 4th came and went still no baby, Wen i went to the hospital on the 5th the dr was there and i asked wen she was coming home, right as i was asking that he was filling out her discharged papers. Isleena's(my daughter) father and i took a quick CPR class then right after we were able to take her home.

That was the best day of my life bringing my beautiful 4 lb then daughter. Thats wen real motherhood began for me. The real challenge. being at the beck and call of a baby that will soon shortly before my very eyes become a beautiful young woman. I will cherish these years and do my very best for her as her mother. Im a very blessed teen mom.